User talk:Collman200CSO
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the It's here page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! Jay ten (talk) 14:32, October 1, 2015 (UTC) Story deletion Your story has been deleted because it doesn't meet the wiki's quality standards. If you feel that it did meet the standards, please state your case on Deletion Appeal. Make sure you follow the instructions to the letter there, or your appeal will be automatically denied. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REUPLOAD YOUR PASTA. If you upload it again, you'll receive a 1-day ban from editing, as per the rules. Read the Deletion FAQ for details on the 'what' and 'why' of the deletions we make. Read this guide and these blog posts for further details on how you can improve your story/stories to make them meet our quality standards. For additional help, submit your story to the Writer's Workshop for feedback. | creepypasta.wikia.com | I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! | [[User:Underscorre|'Under']][[User talk:Underscorre|'Scorre']] }} 14:52, October 1, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 23:37, October 2, 2015 (UTC) RE: The best advice I can give would be to take your next story to the writer's workshop as your story has a number of capitalization (improperly capitalized words), punctuation (punctuation missing from dialogue, apostrophes missing from possessive words, etc.) formatting (multiple people talking in the same paragraph), and story issues (look up our cliche page for some of the issues. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 23:54, October 2, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:20, December 15, 2015 (UTC) Re: Story As I pointed out in the blog, there are a lot of issues here. I pointed out some above so I would strongly recommend looking over that as well. Capitalization: Failing to capitalize "I" numerous times. " i thought", "i figured", "i heard", "i said in a frightened tone", etc. Punctuation: You need to use question marks when a question is being asked. "Have any of you guys ever heard about a story called Krampus.(?)", "Who are you"", etc. Hyphens missing from words directly impacting each other or lines implying a break in dialogue. "well (-) behaved", "Got me you son of a(-)"", etc. Commas missing where a pause is implied: "i said(,) terrified", "While i was running i found a rake in a garden.", etc. Punctuation issues cont.: punctuation missing from dialogue "Hello" the caller replied.", "the location is" the", ""AW SHIT" the police officer shouted", ""I'm watching you" he replied.", etc. You also forget to space after using punctuation: "My mouth open wide,my eyes", "in fear,my body", "the door,i decided", etc. Grammatical: you're=you are, your=possession. "your telling" their=possession, they're=they are, there=indicatory. "Their was something". Spelling: "used as a weopen.", "the creatured replied.", etc. Wording: There is a number of times you fail to make tenses agree. "i opened the door and grab (grabbed) the sticky note.", "The guy opening his mouth showing his sharp teeth.", etc. There is a number of nonsensical lines here as well. ""your telling this punk,me,John Gotti.", "I looked at the note and got a creeped out expression", "Being disturbed i gotten a call from 911 again.", etc. If English isn't your first language, I strongly suggest getting someone who is fluent to review your stories for you. There are redundancy issues (words repeated multiple times in a single sentence.): "girl scout girl, "The head was rotten,the mouth on this head", "I ran knowing i was soon in danger,knowing i would get killed by a creature.", etc. Story issues: This has an incredibly rushed premise. It feels like you wrote in in minutes and did very little proof-reading as there are multiple errors. There is also a lack of description and build-up in the story. You give zero description to the monster and try to jump into the horror immediately without building up the background. This does not paint a good image and makes the story very difficult to read as there is little involving element to the story. Once again you forget to space out dialogue and it makes it difficult to follow who is saying what and what tone they're using. While on the topic of dialogue, a lot of the wording here feels awkward and out-of-place. "your telling this punk,me,John Gotti." I'm sorry, but this was well-below our quality standards. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 05:24, December 15, 2015 (UTC)